My Illuminarium

Excerpt #II - Looking Up

2010-02-21T01:33:00.004Z

"...sure, there'll be bad weeks between here and the end of the year, and sometimes change will scare the hell out of me, but for the week that's gone by, with great friends and good memories, the future is starting to look that bit brighter."

Be Happy.

(in)definite

2010-01-24T18:50:00.000Z

I didn’t make any resolutions this year. I’m starting to think it might be because I’m starting to fear change. It’s coming, in the next few months. The massive upheaval is going to likely spell the end of another part of my life.

As I sat around with a bunch of people I’ve come to love over the past three years this weekend, I wondered if we’d still be as close this time next year, or the year after that. As past generations of friends have done, will they fade into the background and become strangers? I think that some of the eccentric and overzealous episodes I’ve managed to find myself in over the past few weeks are a direct product of that fear. However, I realise now that nothing I can do can prevent change.

Change as someone once told me, is the nature of life.

Is the grass greener on the other side? I have no idea, but sooner or later, I’ll find out.

Solitude

2009-08-10T19:31:00.002+01:00

I realise now why I didn’t want this summer. I didn’t want this then, and I don’t want it now. I find myself whiling away entire days, just staring at a screen or listening to the same music over and over again. Motivation is hard to come by, and even harder to utilise into something worthwhile. As the days drift away, I can feel myself getting closer to the year that is to come, but for now I am in suspended animation. I’m isolated from the world, from my friends, devoid of almost all human contact. Through the window I reminisce, and ponder what is to come, whereas the here and now is a forgotten thought, a footnote to memories of the past

I set out my goals, I planned, I built my defences and yet still I find myself wallowing in mediocrity and boredom almost every day. To quote Christopher McCandless;

“The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

I have long been intrigued by, and will continue to explore the effects of isolation on man, but for now I believe I am experiencing my own type or personal isolation. Not as extreme or dramatic as that of Brian Keenan or McCandless, but isolation nonetheless. I can only hope that if nothing can be achieved, I can at least learn something.

I didn’t want this then, and I don’t want it now, but sometimes we must accept the hand we’ve been dealt.

Excerpt #I

2009-08-04T00:46:00.004+01:00

"...Conversations like that don't come along all that often, but memory serves to recall one of the strongest connections I've ever felt with anyone that night. Revealing the most personal, intimate influences on your life to another - that's a connection that's rare at best. How can love not be born of a conversation like that?"

Listplaying

2009-08-02T02:04:00.020+01:00

So, I'm thinking about certain things at the minute. I've decided to do away with illustrious language and whatnot for this post and just say what I mean, and what I mean is that I've been musing. However, one needs music to muse to, right?

So this is the music I'm musing to.

Ryan Adams - Come Pick Me Up

The Tallest Man On Earth - I Won't Be Found

Sea Of Bees - Willis

Bell X1 - Boys Of Summer (Don Henley Cover)

Don't read into it too much, there are lots of things buzzing around up there, so none of these songs are directed towards a certain person or situation, but as far as I'm concerned, they're all great.

Enjoy.

"We will see when it gets warm..."

2009-07-28T21:59:00.006+01:00

The past week consisted of a myriad of different social interactions, drinking games, road trips, deep conversations, old faces, new faces and a reinvigorated love for life.

Bon Iver played the Big Top in Galway on Thursday night and I was blown away from the front row. The intensity and passion exhibited by the entire band became contagious from the first chord. There was an intimate connection between them and the audience, which lifted everyone in the venue, and captured perfectly the essence of many Bon Iver lyrics.

Aside from the gig, there was something special in that week, something which can't really be descibed, but inevitably happens on those rare occasions when you really connect with a group of people and feel genuinely happy, no matter how long you spend in thier company. In a summer which has dwindled into mediocrity thus far, the past week has been one of the most memorable of my life, and seems to have firmly established friendships which could last for many years to come.

To begin

2009-07-18T01:46:00.003+01:00

As a good friend of mine has just pointed out, blogs are really supposed to interesting. I don't exactly have an interesting life. I suppose, though, I'm interested in life. This will be the public face of my musings on it the private side being the journal I keep.

Welcome.

For you - welcome to this blog, and thanks for taking the time to read it.

For me - welcome to a new and exciting stage of writing.