Solitude

I realise now why I didn’t want this summer. I didn’t want this then, and I don’t want it now. I find myself whiling away entire days, just staring at a screen or listening to the same music over and over again. Motivation is hard to come by, and even harder to utilise into something worthwhile. As the days drift away, I can feel myself getting closer to the year that is to come, but for now I am in suspended animation. I’m isolated from the world, from my friends, devoid of almost all human contact. Through the window I reminisce, and ponder what is to come, whereas the here and now is a forgotten thought, a footnote to memories of the past

I set out my goals, I planned, I built my defences and yet still I find myself wallowing in mediocrity and boredom almost every day. To quote Christopher McCandless;


“The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”


I have long been intrigued by, and will continue to explore the effects of isolation on man, but for now I believe I am experiencing my own type or personal isolation. Not as extreme or dramatic as that of Brian Keenan or McCandless, but isolation nonetheless. I can only hope that if nothing can be achieved, I can at least learn something.


I didn’t want this then, and I don’t want it now, but sometimes we must accept the hand we’ve been dealt.